Happy New Years?

Well I didn't do anything for new years, still not feeling great. However its a new year now, hopefully it'll be one of change. Feeling a little sad at the moment still, probably just feeling lonely, haven't really talked to anyone at all today.

Sure that'll pass eventually. Still haven't taken any of the anti-depressants yet, still really nervous about it. Maybe tomorrow...

So yeah... Happy New Years!

Day One

Went to my doctors... I guess 2 days ago now, general complaints (General Complaints! *salutes*) probably got a mild chest/sinus/ear infection. She prescribed some anitbiotics (amoxicillin) and told be to inhale steam as much as I can. Hopefully thats all there is too it, its pretty miserable as is but its winter and most people get these things.

Also told her about my anxiety/panic attack stuff and she prescribed Citrolopram (spellcheck?) an antidepressant. Havent started it yet, been freaking myself out reading some horror stories, but then read some where its worked for people. Generap concensus seems to be youll get side effects, at least for a little while. Not sure Im ready for that or not yet but Im gonna try and work up the courage cause I really need to do something about it and soon.

So today? Still can breathe through my nose, got about 3/4 hours sleep, feel slghtly sick but taken next antibiotic.

Had a bit of a worried thought that they arent actually working but thats my general stress/worry. I dont really feel physically -that- bad but my brain likes to make me worry about it regardless. Hey if nothing else this blog can be a giant FU to the part of my brain thats worried constantly :P Be back later for updatez/cookies :)

My Goals

So I do have a few things I want to do in the not too distant future, so I thought I'd list them off here... some may be realistic, some may not be but hey one can dream right?

1. Write a book series
2. Start my GW2 Podcast
3. Get over depression/panic/anxiety
4. Get a bit fitter

I'm sure there will be others so I may add to this.

Hope this crap helps.

As "highschool girl secret journal" as this might sound I've decided it might help me to write some stuff down... regular blog crap I guess... life... fears ect ect.

Mainly its just so I can have something to focus my thoughts on when lots of crazy stuff is going on in my head.

I've had anxiety and panic attack issues for about a decade now, and its been a long time coming for me to try and take a hold of things and get some semblance of a life back. My head is working against me, some people in my life will no doubt be obstacles against me, but I don't want to give up no matter what is in the way.

I warn anyone who might stumble across this thing and actually read it, that there might be a lot of "woe is me" and general QQ-ing about things, and for that I can only apologise and question your sanity for reading in the first place.